I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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