I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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