I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
