theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
