I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
