I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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