i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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