Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love you. Go after that dick
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
