I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
