Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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