I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize