i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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