How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
