call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's shark week go big or go home
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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