U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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