My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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