Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
