I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
