I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
