all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
