You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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