dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
