I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
