i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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