Don't you send me to vm
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
