but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
