my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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