Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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