if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
