I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize