I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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