fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize