saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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