My first STD was from a foam party
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize