my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
