This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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