I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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