Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
