barbara walters just said penis...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
