I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
