SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
