Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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