toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
