I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
