I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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