He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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