new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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