dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
