I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize