Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
