What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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