Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
