We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
