Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
