It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
