I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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