he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
