Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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