She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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