some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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