And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
