i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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