i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
