well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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