found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
