could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
