I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I sprained my soul last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
