So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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