I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She bit a glass in half.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
