Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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