I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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