we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
