The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
