I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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