Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
