you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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