when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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