So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
