What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I still have a little drunk in my system
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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