i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
